Dealing with Loss

Everyone deals with loss differently. The situations that lead up to the loss, the experiences of each person both with the person/animal that was lost, and just the personal experiences in general all make us deal with loss differently.

 

Running a retirement home for senior equines always puts the idea of loss at the very edge of every thought. We need to live in the  moment but there's also the inevitable loss that we will face some day.

 

Some people display loss outright while others may appear unfazed but display their grief alone. Having said goodbye to more than a dozen horses at the Sanctuary, I'm sure people think that I have a hard heart. I always get asked "How do you do it?". Let me tell you, it's difficult. I am the type that will appear unfazed but in the fading light, loss overcomes me just the same. I want to remember the good and not dwell on the bad.

 

Some may not agree, but I believe that some day, I will meet all of these people/horses again. At least I can hope for it. So the pain of loss stings the heart but I have to have faith that it's not "goodbye" but rather "I'll see you later".

 

I guess I bring up the topic of loss for two reasons. This is the first time in almost eight years that I have not had to say "see you later" to any of our senior equines. We did have to say goodbye to a family member and those memories are still fresh. Even a family member we lost almost two years ago brings back painful loss even now. You wouldn't know it by looking at me that I am upset over that loss but I am. The loss is what it is. I shall cherish my memories (and hope that those  memories won't fade).

 

There is no one way to deal with loss. I simply have to remember that we all deal with loss and heartache differently based on our losses and experiences.

 

As Thanksgiving rolls around, please remember both those that are on this Earth and those that have gone before us. Be thankful for the opportunities that they have given you and the memories that you have.  Cherish the good memories and let go of the bad memories. 

 

Queen - Gone but not forgotten

Chronicles of Junior

Day 10: I left Junior out overnight last night and he was very much displeased with that decision. I thought maybe the mares would let him eat with them. Nope. I would rather not have to stall him every night but I don't see any other option. I just wish that as it's only November, that we wouldn't be dealing with full fledged winter already.

We did have Erin from Head Heart Hooves (http://www.headhearthooves.com/) donate Junior a blanket. I picked it up Tuesday night but haven't had a chance to see which one will work best for Junior. I know I'll sleep easier now that he has a blanket to call his own. It's November and we are dealing with January temperatures. Who knows what type of temperatures we'll have in January!

I still need to schedule the farrier to come out and pull Junior's shoes. But it's been so blasted cold that my farrier doesn't want to pull shoes and do a trim when it's in the single digits with below zero wind chills. I'm hoping that we can get a short snap of warm weather soon.

We have now had Junior at the Sanctuary for a full week and a couple days. It's crazy to see what a fixture he already is at the Sanctuary.

The other night I had put him in his stall to eat. He was finished with his grain and eating his alfalfa when he hung his head over the stall door. I rubbed on his head and ear and in that instant, he reminded me of my very first horse, Tiny Dictator. Dictator was an old ranch horse that came from Colorado. He'd never been an affectionate horse being that he was never loved on until I got him (I was his third owner and last owner). Junior has had the pleasure of being loved on but I do get the impression that he was at one point a ranch horse (at least the brands make me think that he was once a ranch horse).

I never really know the entire life history of horses that come to the Sanctuary. It's their past and we look towards the future. But it is interesting to hear about what they've done. I'm debating on whether I want to try and track down the brands and see if I can't find a previous owner. The brand on his cheek is hidden now with his winter coat but his brand on his shoulder is still discernible. I'm just not sure if it would be easier to take better pictures in the summer or the winter and then start asking. It doesn't really matter, Junior is here for the rest of his life. It's just fun to hear about his past.

Junior is getting braver. He's starting snatch a few  bites of hay from the hay feeder when the mares are only a few feet away. I'm hoping that he'll start feeling more comfortable with the mares and actually hold his ground, but I don't think that will ever be  his personality. He still hangs on the fence watching my every move. I've never had that with a horse. Oh sure, some will come and check out what I'm doing but  none will stay and watch. I feel bad that he doesn't have a friend. Everyone else at the Sanctuary is buddied up with another horse and he's the odd man out. I'd like to fix that and we were asked to take in a mare but without the funds for that  mare's winter supply of hay, I haven't even mentioned bringing her in.

I still have Junior on sweet feed, senior grain, and calf manna. I haven't started beet pulp but I want to wait for a little bit longer and see if this concoction works for putting weight on before I add to the mix. Unfortunately, putting weight on a horse is so much harder than getting it off (sure wish that were the same for me!) I expect that it'll be a full month before we can see if there's any improvement in weight with this grain mixture and feeding method. Fingers crossed that we are on the right path.

Chronicles of Junior

Day Six:  So Junior has been at the Sanctuary for just shy of a week. I introduced him to the mares and to the geldings over the fence. Junior has no interest in being with the horses when I'm around. He desperately tries to hang out with the mares but Rabbit will have none of that.

When Junior sees me, it's almost like the world stops. I've never had a horse watch me so closely. Bo will watch but not with such hawk like precision. I am guessing it's because I grain Junior. I have no idea if he ever received any grain on a daily basis.

I was told that he was hard to catch. Last night I was late in getting out to do chores and when I went to get Junior, he put his nose into the halter. The only reason he backed away was because the mares came into his space. He has a very large bubble. I can enter that bubble now that I grain him, but no one else is allowed in.

Junior is not a demanding horse (unlike some where they whinny and paw at the stalls). Junior will simply reach his full height and keep his head over the corral panels/fence waiting and watching me. When he's in his stall (and he's eaten all of his grain), he'll follow my everywhere I go.

I do believe that if Junior had thumbs, he'd put his halter on himself and walk right into his stall. I'm not yet ready to trust him to simply open the gate without a halter and lead rope to get him into his stall. But I expect within a month, I'll simply put his mash into his stall and open the stall door and then open the gate to the pen to let him out. I think the way to his heart is through his stomach.

I don't like how thin he is but is what the owner said is his  normal weight. I want to see if graining him will help and keeping him stalled away from all other horses so there's absolutely no competition will change the weight issue.

For grain, Junior is receiving one scoop of Nutrena Senior, one scoop Nutrena Stock and Stable (sweet feed), and a half a scoop of Calf Manna. I haven't introduced beet pulp yet but am waiting until we are in the midst of winter (although I think we are there). I am also throwing him a sliver of alfalfa each night (a sliver from a small square bale). I also feed him a half a sliver of dairy quality hay from a 3x3 hay bale.  I have not weight any of his feed but the normal herd receives a half a sliver of hay (from the 3x3 bale of hay) and they maintain their weight. With the colder temps, I've been throwing Junior and the rest of the herd alfalfa. The herd of 10 receives one bale of alfalfa (one small sliver each) and the mares and Junior receive a sliver each of alfalfa. The ponies do not get alfalfa (and never will unless they discover where the alfalfa is stashed).

I have not seen any improvements in weight on Junior but I didn't expect to see any, especially when he came right at the beginning of this horrible cold snap (and there's added stress of moving and routines). If we are to see any weight gain, it'll be another month from now. With the winter hair, it might be impossible to know.

I did refrain from throwing a blanket or a sheet on him Saturday. He has a very thick winter coat and the sheet I had, I didn't think he would benefit from it. I also didn't want to rush him (and I'd be putting the sheet on in the dark). I am unsure how Junior will handle a blanket/sheet, especially when I have to touch the left rear leg. No one is allowed to touch the left rear leg (says Junior...with a kick).

But I expect we will be blanketing Junior once we find a heavier blanket than the no fill blanket/sheet.

But in the week that we've had Junior, he's already picked up the routine and enjoys his grain mash. It's a little unnerving to have a horse watch me so close, but I guess that means he's happy. I'm starting to get the impression that he thinks he's died and gone to heaven. I can only hope that we can keep him happy!

Chronicle of Junior

Day 3: I pulled Junior out of the pen with the mares so that he could eat his grain in peace. I opted to stall him instead of leave him tied so that I could get all my chores done and not feel rushed. It was dark but Junior followed me without any hesitation. This is a horse that doesn't know me but is willing to trust and follow me.

I added some water to make his grain more of a mash and put it in front of him. He took one bit and then gave me the biggest, juiciest slobbery kiss I've ever gotten (and I've been around horses for half my life!) This is a horse that appreciates his grain. He doesn't demand it, but appreciates it!

I opted to leave him stalled for the night so that he wouldn't have to contend with the single digits above and below zero temperatures. There was no wind chill but I'd rather start stalling him no matter what. I threw in some alfalfa and a full morning and night feeding of hay to see how much he'd actually eat. The look in his eye when I first put him into his stall and then when I threw in the alfalfa is priceless. A look of not only relief but of pleasure.

Junior is a stall baby. I think he preferred to be in a stall so that he didn't have to compete with the other horses or be pushed away when they approached. I did notice that he was standing much closer to the mares yesterday evening so he's working up to being more comfortable with them. He's getting close enough now for Rabbit to pin her ears at him.

When I let him out this morning, he willingly followed me out of his stall in the dark. I thought he was going to come right at me and I put out my hand to stop him and instead of it being his shoulder, it was his head. He didn't spook or shy away. I figured that quick movement would be a setup back our trust. But he just stood there while I apologized and rubbed his head. I put him in with the mares and fed him but he had no interest in eating. He wanted to be in my pocket. He followed me with his eyes everywhere I went. He wouldnt' push on the fence but he'd get his  head over the corral panels to make it known that he wanted some of my time. Im not sure if he was asking for grain or if he wanted attention (I'm assuming grain).

But Junior trusts me after only two days. How amazing is that. I saw on a twitter feed the following saying "treat each horse like he is a gentleman" (or something to that affect). I've always tried to treat them not as an animal but as an equal. Maybe Junior sees that? It's hard to say. I'm no trainer nor do I know the thought process of a horse. I guess I try to win the old ones over with grain and then we can create a strong bond after that. So far, it's working. Keep their bellies full and they will remain your best friend.

Chronicles of Junior

This past Tuesday, we brought into our Sanctuary a senior equine. I only know a snippet of his past (what his previous owner did with him). We are also guessing at his age because we were told 20+. I am aging him at 25 years old simply to set an age. He is thinner than I prefer but the previous owner said that what he looked like on Tuesday was his standard weight that he's been at for the entire time they have owned him.

 

I would like to chronicle our newest senior equine's stay at the Sanctuary in this blog. He is the typical senior equine with a few standard aches and pains, and weight issues that many senior equines face these days.

 

Junior is now on dairy quality hay fed twice a day (6am and 6pm). This hay is from a 3x3 square bale and he receives an entire "sliver". (Typically horses at the Sanctuary receive a half a "sliver" from a 3x3 bale.) He is also fed a "sliver" of alfalfa from a small square bale. Neither the hay or the alfalfa is weighed at this time. He is in with two other horses so figuring out exactly how much he eats is unknown. I am considering stalling him at night so that he has 12 hours to eat hay and alfalfa without any interruptions. He is also receiving one scoop of Nutrena Senior and a half a scoop of Calf Manna. Again, neither are measured. His grain ration is currently being soaked with cold water but will switch to warm water with the drop in temperature. I'm also considering adding beet pulp in a week or two once he's adjusted to his surroundings and routine.

 

We are only in November but the temperatures are in the low 20 degree Fahrenheit for highs and in the single digits for lows.  The wind chills are in the teens below zero (Fahrenheit). He has a thick winter coat already but I am contemplating putting a blanket on to ward against chill. I know blanketing is a touchy subject but thin and old horses on occasion need additional "support" to get them through winter.

 

Junior is hard to catch but if I pull him out every night to at minimum eat his grain (or to stall overnight), I expect he'll become easier to catch.

 

He does currently have front shoes on and I will be making a phone call to my farrier to have the shoes pulled and front feet trimmed before we receive any more snow (or ice). We are not allowed to trim Junior's left rear leg. If it becomes necessary to trim, Junior will require heavy sedation (per the previous owner and myself after watching how he reacted to asking for his left rear foot).

 

He's also an absolute doll and will meet you at the gate. He is a touch-me-not horse but that could stem from his past or his general personality. We'll never know.

 

Please welcome Junior to the Sanctuary because he is now "home".

 

 

Book Review - Concise Guide to Respitory Disease in the Horse

I recently finished reading the Concise Guide to Respiratory Disease in the Horse by David W. Ramey. The description of the book is as follows "This book introduces the reader to the anatomy of the horse's respiratory tract and discusses the diagnostic methods and treatments usually used today. "

 

I didn't see any reviews on the book but I didn't dig. It's a decent book and a handy one to have if you have a horse with a respiratory disease. The first half of the book discussed the general anatomy of the horses airways, etc. It was fascinating how Mr. Ramey initially described the anatomy of the airways (he used the analogy of the reader being a particle traveling through a horse's airways.)

 

The second half of the book focused on major respiratory diseases including strangles, heaves, and bleeding. (I originally purchased the book because we have a mare with heaves and I wanted to learn more.)  The second half of the book was a bit more focused and didn't use any analogies. Much of what was discussed in the second half (focusing on different respiratory diseases) was fairly high-level information. It gave the basics on what it was, symptoms, possible treatment options, etc. but no getting into the nitty-gritty of that particular respiratory disease.

 

I am glad that I have the book in my library although disappointed that the book was as short as it was (only 90 pages). Respiratory diseases could cover much more. The book was written like Mr. Ramey was talking directly to me, no text book terminology to bore you to sleep. He also didn't act as though he was a vet. He provided the facts in an easy to read method.